I was in some cityscape. It was very early morning, predawn. I was with a group of people, trying to get home. The streets were unfamiliar and unsafe, especially in the dark. I felt responsible for the people I was with and yet unable to usher them to safety. There were others in the group I was relying upon for navigation and swiftness. These were women, peers; children were with us, including my own.
As we walked along the streets, we passed a few open storefronts and late-night, drunken revelers, taking little notice of us straggling about on the sidewalk. We tried to huddle together and yet act relaxed. There was no imminent threat and things, for a while, seemed peaceful, but I had a constant sense of danger.
Around some alleyways and rooftops, a mixed-race gang of young hoodlums attacked a couple of isolated members of our group. Instead of rushing to their defense I hurried away, with a child, and I saw the flash and glint of a knife. I wanted to throw myself in its path but found I didn’t have the speed or the courage. Instantly I felt like a failure for abandoning the victim. Yet no harm was done; the attackers were distracted by something and backed off our group.
We hurried along and there was a verbal exchange. Members of the gang were angry about something and were threatening us, to scare us but do no harm. I knew they wanted to use us for some purpose but it was not clear; we needed to be away from them, to outwit them. But they were armed, and we were women without much skill or strength to do battle. I felt defenseless and angry.
Someone near me was grabbed and a razor blade was produced to frighten her. This time I did step in, knowing that I did not want to make the same mistake twice. The moment where I risked getting cut was protracted and slow, such that my acute awareness became painful anticipation. I continued in my slow reach to protect the woman. This confrontation and the series of movements, a struggle, resulted in nothing—no bloodshed, no victory, no sense of safety; only a sense of threat around the corner.
Suddenly I realized that light had dawned. With sunrise, we were safe, and we could easily find our way to a safe haven.