After the zoo this summer trying to figure out how to get my kids back to their original public school, and struggling with whether I would spend my year home-schooling or trying to earn a little money from home, I landed in September with a thud, a sore back, and a fair degree of total exhaustion. While we may be home free for the school year, I know that come April or so, my kids could well be sent to another school based on whatever new boundary plan the city develops between now and then. Or, when I go to register my youngest child for full-day kindergarten, I’ll be told he has to go to a different school than my other kids. I’m trying not to think about it too much, because the accomplishments of the current year should just be able to stand on their own for a while.
So I’m doing some freelance writing from home, trying to increase my workload in that regard, and giving fuller attention to One magazine. I step into this realm with a great deal of caution, as I’ve never been one to fantasize that I could accomplish anything much in an adult world of seriousness and deadlines while also raising children—particularly babies and toddlers.
I think my outlook is so wary in part because I was utterly flattened by babies and toddlers, one upon the other, in that certain stretch of years. It is most bizarre to look back on that period of time and to recognize that I have emerged from it, into a new phase of parenting and family life of course, but all the same I’ve emerged. And with that new point of view, I can see what a dark and tangled jungle it was: tight living spaces in our then-home environment, frequent job changes for River, constant uncertainty of who was in charge in our intergenerational family setting, strife in the marriage due to these stresses, “situational depression” according to the family therapist we saw, and constant health problems related to stress.
Certainly not your average parenting experience, I think.
At any rate, things are looking up now. I have a blogging gig with the local paper, and I’m working on other potential leads for money-earning writing work. My youngest kid entered pre-school five mornings a week as of October 3, which allows me more time to work. A pretty remarkable feeling.